It happened! Our dream of buying a house on some land has officially come true! ← what you would see on Instagram, and it is true, but the reality is . . .
in the last month, we have been scammed by contractors, the house we just remodeled flooded, we lost our renters, my husband got into a car accident, we are living in a construction zone, my daughter has been waking up every two hours for the last 5 nights in a row, and the list of major things to do is piling up at record speed.
Hang in there, there is a point to spilling the details of my life, and it’s not to complain, I promise.
I share because I get it. I understand seasons when it feels like you can’t do it anymore. When every day is so overwhelming and the future is so uncertain you feel paralyzed. I understand anxiety. I understand death. I understand financial stress, health scares, and relationship turmoil.
I’m going to tell you what I do when I’m in one of those seasons.
When life feels like too much, remember this. . .
Have the right form
Suppose you have to lift and carry a heavy rock. You may pick it up in the wrong way with a poor form and injure yourself. Or you can learn to pick it up using the right form which will make it easier for you.
The rock is the stress and the way you carry it is the way you handle stress. Before thinking about reducing the load, it is wiser to work on your form first.
Hard things will happen, but with the right form, you can make it easier on yourself and you can get stronger for future circumstances.
Good form for handling stress:
Accept:
Comfort is an impermanent state of mind that humans love to call home. But the truth is that the longer we box ourselves into this mental house we refuse to leave, the more uncomfortable it gets.
The only path to true comfort is by reaching the level of mind that is comfortable with the inevitable discomfort that life presents.
Suffering = circumstance x resistance. When I stop resisting and arguing with reality and accept that what is happening is happening, it’s almost as if a weight lifts and I can see my life for what it truly is.
Begin a daily focus and perception practice:
Focus: When stress hits, our focus zooms in on only what is going wrong, literally blocking our ability to see new possibilities or what is right. (I write about that here)
Perception: How you are interpreting and comparing a situation determines your experience of it. What you are seeing one way could actually be something completely different (I write about that and the brain science behind it here).
Interrupting your default reactions and thoughts has to be a practice, it won’t just happen. Each morning, I intentionally run the situation through a different focus and perception.
Perception shifts:
I expect the best outcome. It will all work out. I choose to trust. The future will be better than the present and I have what it takes to make it so.
Your problems never go away, you just get better at solving them. The more problems, the better you get. The better you get, the better life gets.
The language you use very much influences how you experience a situation: Have to → Get to . I can’t → I’ll figure it out. I don’t like → what do I need? Not fair → don’t care.
Quality questions lead to a focused mind. A focused mind leads to creative solutions. Creative solutions lead to an enjoyable life. A dead-end question leaves you feeling dread, resentment, and victimized. Instead, ask questions that challenge you, force you to get creative, and invite your imagination to go into overdrive. What if I could. . .? What is a way that I would be able to . . . ? Who can show/help me . . ? What is a new way to do . . ?
Focus shifts
If you believe it will work out, you’ll see opportunities, if you believe it won’t work out, you’ll see obstacles.
What do I love about . . . this person? my life? myself? my environment? the world?
Move: The ultimate focus shift. When you get your body moving, emotions can move through. When you get in your body, you can get out of your head.
"Inner peace does not usually look like being perfectly blissful or being pristinely calm. More often, it is the awareness that tough emotions are moving through you without giving them control. You feel the chaos, choose not to give it any fuel, and intentionally move gently through your day." -Yung Pueblo
Do the next thing
If I only had one day to live and someone asked me to pass down my biggest piece of advice, I know exactly what I would say.
Do the next thing.
That’s it.
That’s how you will make it through anything.
That’s the one lesson navy seals use to get through hell week.
That’s how athletes achieve ridiculous records.
That’s how I made it through 33 days in the NICU and 17 years of my dad’s illness.
I don’t know any simpler formula for peace, for relief from stress and anxiety than that very practical word of wisdom. Do the next thing. That has gotten me through more agonies than anything else I could recommend.
Other ideas I go back and remember during hard seasons
I don’t do any kind of networking or marketing so you sharing this newsletter is the only way to spread the word. If anything has been helpful to you, I would be so grateful if you could share this post/newsletter with someone you think would benefit from it <3
Megs,
Thanks for sharing. Your perspective is always inspiring.
Love ya
This is great and spot on in so many ways for me and my life right now- thank you for sharing!! Gives me a boost today 🙏☺️