I'm in it right now. I don't even know what it is, but something is stirring and I can't ignore it anymore.
Oddly enough, summer is when I have the most time. And the crock of it is. . . I've been stuck. I actually have time to write, create, and contribute, but I can't. I was planning on using this rare and valuable space to work on the things I've been dying to work on all year, but it's like my spirit is saying. . . no. No, that's not what you'll be using this time for, there's something more.
I fought it for a while. Determined to have something to show for these brief moments of kid-free time. But the more I did that, the stronger the resistance became.
Today, sitting in a coffee shop, watching the world happen around me, I gave in. I stopped to really look at what's going on, and fully be with whatever it is I may find.
And I found some stuff. . .
The sense is the signal
When you are in one of those seasons, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, feeling low, in a rut, overwhelmed, anxious, depressed- I've learned that those senses are signals trying to help you.
To get you to stop and reevaluate what you need that you are not getting. What to stop doing that's causing your sickness in your soul.
To hear what God has for you in this season that He doesn't want you to miss.
The harder you fight the seasons where you feel paralyzed, the worse they become.
After 7 years straight of being pregnant or breastfeeding, my hormones and body are not so subtly letting me know I can't ignore them anymore. My mind is begging me to stop the constant distraction that numbs away what needs to be felt. My Spirit is longing for more time in the Presence of God, not only when I feel terrible, but for daily connection and direction, knowing the only thing that will fill me is doing what He wants me to be doing with this time.
I'm finally listening.
Healing is productive
When you can't seem to get past something, it might mean you still haven't learned or healed what you need to before you can move on.
You don't get paid or recognized to heal. But getting yourself, your home, and your relationships in a flourishing place is the most productive thing you can do.
Healing is taking time to look at what’s not working, in all areas of life. Healing is investing energy into investigating the different reasons why something is off and learning different ways to operate as a human. Healing is being in nature. Healing is dancing. Healing is talking. Healing is listening. Healing is doing whatever it is you are feeling called to do, even if it doesn’t make sense.
We often don’t take the time to do this until we are in a place we have no other option, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You can learn to tune your ears to the silent whispers of areas needing your attention instead of waiting for the loud screams that inevitably take more time to work through by the time they get to that spot.
That’s why a daily practice of stillness to check in with God and yourself is a game-changer. It allows you to hear the whispers so you can attend to them before they get so bad that they have to scream to get your attention.
It's slow. It's messy. It's one step forward and two steps back. But you being able to feel alive, free, and connected is worth going after with all you've got.
Stillness is the incubator for brilliance. You don't need to know the big picture, you only ever need to focus on the next little step that's in front of you, and that little step will always be laid out nice and clear when you tune into stillness.
The crazy thing I am noticing in my own life is, once you work through whatever it is, you’ll be able to get more done in half the time it would have taken you if you kept trying to push through.
Every season is needed
Life is cyclical, I need to stop being surprised and upset about this fact. You'll have summers where you feel on top of the world, but also winters where you question everything. You'll have spring seasons where you feel great about yourself, and fall seasons where you begin to reflect and question why you do the things you do.
But all seasons are needed. You can't have a season of getting ahead without seasons of healing what's holding you back. You can't have a season of peace without a season of figuring out what's blocking it.
You are going to have winters. Instead of fighting this fact, I'm learning how to navigate winters better and how to find what's waiting for me in the midst of them. *hint* you'll need support, don't try to do it alone.
So with this time, instead of 'moving my business forward', caring about growth and numbers, or being liked, I'm healing. I'm actually taking the time to dive into generational, habitual, mental, and emotional burdens that need to be worked through before I can move on to do what I was made to do.
I'm creating resources in my soul so it's not almost overflowing at all times and ready to spill if one more drop gets added.
I'm learning about the fear and shame I still carry, and what to do with it.
If you are reading this and have been through are or in it too, I want you to know, I'm sorry you have experienced events that required you to survive rather than live. I'm sorry you have felt alone and unseen. I'm sorry you've had to be so strong. I consider this work sacred ground, and I want to use this newsletter as a resource in the story of restoration God is weaving in your life.
More to come xo
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Really beautiful. Thank you
You're speaking to my heart. Thank you.