When your heart is weary. . .
The moment my daughter was placed in my arms for the first time, I had to force myself to breathe. My first time getting to hold her, and it was going to be my last.
The intensity of despair mixed with confusion and hopelessness felt like a physical pain that if I felt any longer, was going to kill me. Unbearable and inescapable emotional affliction rushing through my entire body.
Those moments.
I’ve had a lot of them. Life is full of them.
When the emotional weight feels too heavy to bear.
There are three things I do when I'm in that place.
Turn toward the light
Bring it to the light
Remember light
Turn Towards the light
In my hardest days, there wasn’t much anyone could say to help. I didn't have the energy to think or do anything to make the pain go away.
While I couldn’t create light, I could turn toward it.
Darkness cannot exist in the presence of light, and the presence of God is always light.
When light is above and around you, darkness has no choice but to leave.
Light exists, but it's not up to you to create it, you just have to turn toward it.
Turning toward the light means focusing on two things: turning to God instead of distractions, and bringing yourself to the moment that you are in now, not the past or the future. If you can keep doing those two things, even when the pull to distract yourself to numb the pain is stronger than ever, you’ll get what you need and everything will change.
Bring it to light
The enemy wants you alone and isolated. Just you and thoughts (the most dangerous place to be). If there is no one around you, no one can help you, fight for you, or see for you when you can’t.
I’m probably the most introverted person that exists. Okay, that’s dramatic, but when I’m struggling, the very last place I want to be is sharing my heart with other people.
But over all the tragedies I’ve been through, I’ve learned that’s the only way you will survive. You are not created to do life alone.
It’s so easy to grow hopeless, hard, or numb toward life when you and your thoughts are alone.
The weapon is bringing it to the light by bringing other people into your thoughts, even when everything in you doesn’t want to.
What we want is a break from struggles and suffering. But often, what we actually need, is someone to go through it with.
Remember the light
Darkness steals your attention to get you so focused on what’s wrong, that you can’t see any solutions or possibilities or anything that is right.
The more energy you give darkness, the more darkness you see.
The hardest seasons are the hardest to see in. But if you know that, you can intentionally draw your attention to truths that will shift your mind and the situation.
I remember things like...
More valuable after being refined by fire, produce more fruit after being pruned: Say it how you want, it’s one of the most important lessons we could ever learn. The wind is what makes the roots of trees strong as they dig deeper (they would die without it), the more stress and pressing grapes and olives go through the more (and better) flavor the wine and oil have, the more irritated a grain of sand is, the bigger the pearl. Nature shows us over and over the same thing, the more pain, the more gain. The more resistance and pressing, the stronger you are and the more depth of flavor you have.
eternity: I am convinced that any suffering we endure is less than nothing compared to the magnitude of glory that is about to be unveiled within us. - Romans 8:18
When you look at this life as a boot camp or a test, your everyday life and your every interaction will transform into a game, like you are living in an alternate reality that you know isn’t real life - it’s the training for your real life in eternity. The point is the process on earth. The point is who you are becoming through the trials. You can make it so nothing you went through will be wasted, it will have only gotten you to the next level.
Brain fog
On another note, I'm almost 32. I'm not in my twenties, but I also don't think I’m at the age where I should have brain fog and forgetfulness. But I did. Bad. I felt like I couldn't think. At one point I spent a long time doing circles around my house in search of my phone, only for my daughter to point out that I was, in fact, holding it under my armpit. True story. That was the point I needed to figure some things out. Here's what helped me, if you struggle with brain fog, maybe it will help you too.
Breathe and Move: Being a writer also means I can turn into a sitter if I am not careful. Sitting for long periods of time + the shallow breathing that goes along with it I have found to be the #1 contributor to my brain fog. It makes sense. Your brain needs oxygen, blood, and circulation to work at its peak. When I notice my brain feels like it's not jiving, I automatically get up and do a breathwork session, followed by some kind of explosive movement, and feel better immediately.
Chiropractic - I only go to the chiro when I am pregnant, which I am very much not, so it had been 3 years. I was born with a condition called Chiari Malformation, so my neck and spine are already at a disadvantage. It's like pathways to my brain were blocked and getting aligned opened them back up. As much as I hate going to appointments, I realized being aligned actually makes a huge difference.
Methylene blue: My health practitioner friend gives methylene blue to all her clients struggling with brain fog, and I have to say, I feel like it’s working. Either way, I feel like I am doing something good and preventative for my brain each day as it's well-known for improved mood, increased energy, and enhanced cognitive function. This is a fascinating book explaining the benefits. For curious souls, I take this brand, it’s 3rd Party Analytical Laboratory Verified, and I take 20 drops (sometimes 40) a day in water for 10mg of methylene blue (but do your own research to see what’s best for you;)
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So powerful - You find words where most couldn't and I'm sure they will touch and make a difference in so many lives!!!